Bye, 2017.

A Quick, Comprehensive List of 2017 Go-Backs and Leave-Behinds

Earlier this week, Jasmin and I went through a list of key things we’re leaving behind in 2017 in honor of the New Year. *insert “woot woot” here*

So, to help you keep the momentum going, and to hold myself accountable, I’m letting y’all know a few more things I’ve got to leave behind. #NewYearNewMe #ClicheAF

La Lista

1. Shitty Food: Yo, I’m fast fooded out. I’m tired of putting crap into my body, and this has to go.

2. Tinder: I SECRETLY love it, but I can’t deal with #hoeshit. I’m trying to accomplish great things.

3. Walmart: They’re deadass wrong 23/7, and I don’t have to spend my hard-earned anywhere where racism, oppression, unethical behavior, low living/working wages, etc. are tolerated.

4. Fuckboys: Yo, y’all were clutch and got me through some bad breakups or whatever, but I really don’t have time these days. I’m not even entertaining you hoes anymore; meaning that if more than one percent of my body feels as though you might be a fuckboy, I’m blocking you and your energy. You’re not even getting my throw-away number.

5. Soda: I’ve seriously been fighting this losing battle since 2011, but it’s time to give up the Cocaina…err… Coca-Cola.

6. Laziness: Sleep is so, so good. And laying down is good for the soul … sometimes. But I’ve gotten out of hand. I’ve become lazy for no reason. Don’t have my face mask within an arm’s reach from my bed? Skipping my whole face regimen. This shit is detrimental.

7. Passive Aggression: I’m pretty direct, but when I feel overwhelmed with emotion, sometimes, I’m quick to hit people with the thumbs-up emoji or a “Nah, it’s all good.” (Note: It’s never all good when I say/do that.) I have to be direct all the time; it’s best for me.

8. Inconsistency: Self-explanatory.

9. Out-of-Control Spending Habits: I am a grown ass woman, and I should be spending as such. I’m not just trying to make it to the weekend anymore; I’m trying to make it to retirement.

10. Being a Shoulder: Don’t get it twisted, I’m still going to be here for the real ones, but what Dez is not going to do is be a shoulder for everyone despite how much they need/want me to be. I tend to make people feel comfortable enough to share everything with me, and I’m over it. Y’all ain’t paying a young playa for these therapy sessions.

11. Celibacy: I did not have nearly enough sex in 2017.

12. The United States: I spent all of 2017 in the U.S. I did not leave the country once. That can’t happen again – I’ve never felt more trapped than I did this year.

13. Pale Skin: It’s been a pale ass fall/winter. I got minimal Vitamin D, and you can tell. That shit ain’t cute. I’m out here looking like a peanut butter-dipped polar bear.

14. Dry Skin: My skin regimen is fucked. I’ve got to fix it. Suggestions?

15. Clutter: Let the record(s) show that I have OCD. I have been formally diagnosed, and it’s a real thing for me. That said, I also have a lot of stuff and my room is constantly re-cluttered; causing me extreme panic and anxiety. So, I’ve got to get better.

16. My Caffeine Addiction: Man, those mornings with large, caramel/mocha iced coffees from Dunkin are so therapeutic. They’re also unhealthy.

17. Jobs/Projects I Hate: I spent all of 2017 working in positions I could hardly tolerate. Now, I’m embarking on a new 9-5, and I’m only taking on projects that matter to me.

18. Negative Nancy Syndrome: You are the company you keep, right? Well, for years, I’ve kept the wrong company. I’ve been nasty, negative and sarcastic more often than not. People only think it’s funny when you’re five, so….

19. Low Expectations: I’m raising the bar. Actually, all of the bars. I’m raising all of the bars.

20. Shade/Disrespect: I am tired of shading people just because they deserve it. Chances are, they know they’re terrible, stringy-haired, unfuckable men with 1-3 kids and/or 0 to -2 levels of chill. They don’t need me to tell them. #kanyeshrug

Anyway, there’s more. But I’m living my life like it’s golden in 2018, and you, too, can avoid the fuckery and join me.

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