I’m Coming To You As A Woman

Let me tell y’all about this past week. This past week, two different people called themselves “coming to me as a woman (or women — whatever).” I’m only going to tell you about one, though, because I’m still trying to understand the other girl, whose motives were seemingly asinine.

Situation

This girl’s manz (my ex) hadn’t hit her in five days since arriving in my state of residence.

Not on me. That’s between y’all and god. Don’t log into his social mediums and send me messages about his mom wanting to know he’s safe. It’s 2018. If homie can’t figure out how to get in touch with his mami, there are bigger issues at hand. Him not hitting you has virtually and actually nothing to do with me.

This girl was the typical bandit — an insecure, jealous and/or possessive woman who felt a way about her man being around me.

I’ve been in this situation before, and this time around, it was equally bothersome, but this particular occurrence led me to discover the best time to come to me as a woman. This is a conundrum I’ve faced for years, and finally, FINALLY after all these years, I’ve figured it out.

The best time to come to me as a woman is…

NEVER, BIH. Keep that bullshit to yourself and assess your reasons for wanting to come to me at all.

Like, I’m tired.

I’m confused as to why I’m your target audience. Why do you feel as though we are on the same page, or in the same crowd for you to come to me as anything? Don’t come to me as a woman. Don’t come to me as a man. Shittttt, don’t even come to me as a goat (Yes, I said goat). Holla at your ain’t-shit ass man. #realtalk

I Need Answers, Sway

Why, y’all? Why is this happening? Based on my limited research, I’ve decided that broads like to come as women for a variety of reasons, but mostly because they’re insecure. #ouch

It doesn’t matter what the situation is, if you approach another woman, you are insecure in some way. As far as I’m concerned, you should never approach another woman about any situation unless you have solid proof that the woman in question (who is likely more woman than you) was deadass wrong, and you bout to molly wop her on sight. Most of y’all us (I’m changing in 2018, y’all) are not about this life, so leave it alone.

It is never on the woman to give you answers. Plus, if you feel the need to approach someone “as a woman,” chances are, you know something is up, anyway. Let’s just reflect on the previously shared situation…

Ol’ boy arrives in said location near said ex-girlfriend. He is a grown(ish) ass man with access to a cell phone, wifi, email, messenger pigeons, etc. He hasn’t hit you in five days. You can see that he’s been conversing with said ex-girlfriend. What do you do?

Easy-Peasy Solution: You accept the fact that you are no longer in a relationship and you fuck his best friend. #Done

Okay, if the latter half of that solution isn’t your cup of matcha, that’s fine. But seriously, you’re single at that point. Why feel the need to message me/the woman/the person who doesn’t give a fuck/the girl who is with the shits/the girl who wears no earrings because she’s ready for you to try her? It’s pointless, son.

I’ve said all this to say… stop thinking you’re coming to someone “as a woman.” Because if you come to me as anything other than what I want/need to survive and thrive, you’re subject to receive these extremities (hands).

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